Inspirational Week Interview – With 20 Year Old Pribz Govender
Firstly, I am honored to be a part of Inspirational week as well sharing my story with you and helping others that may have lost hope with their life or even people that contemplate suicide as much I did and I would like to thank you for allowing me to share my story with you as well as the time you have taken to read and digest it.
Well, the reason for me wanting to end my life was because of my father. My dad is in his early 70’s, and yes I say early because I’m trying to make him sound as young as he behaves. I have got to admit that being a single parent for the past fourteen years must have been hard as well as lonely for him. However, he recently met a lady who is a drug addict, and in simple English, she has brain washed him into so many things that he had literally gone off his head. My father has given up alcohol for the past 6 years, but due to the fact that this lady consumed alcohol as well as drugs, I think he felt obligated to join her whilst he was with her. Sometimes I would get upset with him because when his cell rang, and if he was driving, he would leave the steering in search of his phone. Things like this got to me and it only became worse as time passed by. He would sneak her into our house whilst I was at college and she would have her own ways in and around the house. For me, this was disrespectful and it made me look down upon her as a woman because a woman with moral would respect the fact that I had asked her not to step into my house. He also became abusive towards me whenever I mentioned something that he would be doing wrong, for example, leaving the house “opened” and driving off as soon as she calls, driving recklessly whilst I was in the car or even banging his plate on the table whilst it has food in it after becoming upset with something she may have said when she called. He started using vulgar languages when speaking to me, and this was not something I was used to as my Mother and Father never used vulgarity in front whilst they were still together. The evening on which I took an overdose, I was sitting in the lounge with my father, talking about general stuff, when he began to mention things about his family and all the politics that has been going on. Other than all the build up off how he has been behaving recently, there was something else that got to me. He mentioned something that made me realize that he has a lot of pride and would never change for anyone. But what got to me the most was, during this general conversation, I corrected something that he seemed wrong in, and because we both see things differently, his pride did not allow him to even think twice about what I had said before he ran down my throat picking on my mother whom he is now divorced with. This was something he did “whenever” he could not accept defeat, and after living alone with him for over fourteen years thus far, It became too much to handle that evening. For the very first time, I left the lounge very quietly and went into my room. I realized at that moment that in order to work around some body at his age, you have got to change because they will not. So without hesitation I knew that I have had enough and I just could not deal with anything more. This is when I gathered every single tablet that I could find in the medication drawer. At this age I felt like an addict which I was totally against, but it all good at that moment because I knew that I would have been dead after this day.
I have tried to commit suicide three times since 2006. All attempts were mainly because of the fact that, living without my mother was hard, but by having a father that kept rubbing it in, made is even more difficult to deal with.
Yes, Indeed. My biggest regret was to believe that by ending my life would be the easy way out, because in actual fact, after spending a week in hospital, It only caused damage to my health, my memory as I suffered from a memory loss as well as a slight vision impairment which I have now recovered from.
Well, I think the person it has affected most was my immediate family because it brought back memories of when my late brother committed suicide, my cousins husband who committed suicide about 5 years ago as well as a few other suicide cases that occurred amongst the family, however it only affected them for the moment.
I felt numb inside and out. I could not think of anything but being ”dead” and away from all the misery that I have experienced in my life.
The biggest aspect of my life that has changed has got to be my outlook on life ”especially” after seeing people in the same ward as me with problems that are worse. I have seen people fighting for their lives, and I have even seen someone take their last breath. This was a real eye-opener for me and when I think of it now, I actually tell myself that I am silly, because my life is worth so much more than just letting others negativity fall upon me.
Do NOT let suicide not even be your last option. Speak to a councilor, talk to people that you trust and seek the advice that you need. Don’ t throw away your precious life through hasty decisions. You were born to shine, so why not? Always remember, god opens doors no man can close just like how he can close doors no man can open. There is a solution to everything . . .
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